Something that many on the outside wouldn't know about me is that I have a tendency to isolate myself. I'm not really sure when this came about seeing that as a child, and even in my adolescence, I was a social butterfly. Over the years, however, it seems that I'm slowly becoming a lone wolf. It's not a conscious choice that I made, but I can't say that it has been completely awful. Since this personality change, my work ethic and productivity have vastly improved. In the not so distant past, while I may have been having fun socially, professionally I was not giving my best efforts. Often times I would show up to work lethargic and absent minded after a late night of partying and fun, and I'm sure it goes without saying that those actions began to affect my work ethic. I showed no initiative and the quality of my work was steadily declining. Over time, that issue seemingly fixed itself as my personality silently changed. I had no desire to go out to clubs, and physically seemed incapable of staying up late anymore. As a result, I started growing distant from good friends and surely becoming a homebody.
Although it has been great watching myself grind and pick up the slack I had caused, I must admit that I miss having fun. Not just Netflix and blogging fun, but hanging out with friends, creating lasting memories! It sounds simple right? Just get up, and go out! However, there's a much bigger roadblock standing in my way - my lack of trust. It's almost unavoidable for me to have my trust betrayed in some way, shape, or form. In this aspect of my personal life, I often feel like Eeyore, and that there is a storm cloud above my head permanently. It's almost easier to avoid the betrayal by limiting my friends, than to convince myself to trust a newcomer. In addition to trust, I'm at the point in my life where my peers as well as myself are coming to crossroads in life decisions, many are moving away to pursue career options or to simply start fresh in a new environment. Slowly, but surely, the last points in my circle are spreading about the country and making it harder to keep bonds anew. Yet what is this, but another reason to remain a lone wolf?
In addition, it's hard to keep like-minded friends, when as the years go by you begin to have less things in common. For instance, friends I made when single and partying may not share the same views I have now that I'm in a committed relationship. While some friendships are mature enough to look past such seemingly small differences, others may become lifeless without said connections.
I've made many points regarding why its hard to make new friends, or keep the old ones, but at the end of the day, I will inevitably be on my own if I don't try. Though trust is a large factor in my fear of making new friends, maybe I need to look into a new approach. Instead of cutting off people, I can filter the information I share and the energy I put into something. I can agree to disagree, and respect that even with misaligned perspectives people can still remain friends. That's my goal for the remainder of 2015, evaluate my current friendships, and repair and maintain the ones worth keeping. Resolution season is just around the corner and to be frank, I don't need the dead weight.
I can't be the only lone wolf out there, comment below or email me your perspective!
Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @lifeascurlykay !
xoxo
Curly Kay
- 7:00 AM
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